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Does Christmas Music Suck?

Updated: Jan 22, 2023

By Sam Wolstenholm

So I've never been much of a Christmas-music-listener. I guess I always figured that we should listen to it all year if it's actually good. I'm sure there are people that actually do that but I digress. I decided to try and see what the hype is about this year, so I asked a bunch of people what their favorite Christmas song was.

The responses were not helpful. Just about everyone I asked had a different answer for me. Everything from Big Time Rush's "Beautiful Christmas" to Trans-Siberian Orchestra's "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24." I'm not kidding. You know who you are. Expecting to get a lot more of a consensus, I planned on reviewing the ones people listen to or like the most. But it turns out people listen to literally all of them. Therefore, I'll make my own list comprised of classics and consistent responses.

A few ground rules. 1. Just about every Christmas song is covered a thousand times, so I'm going to do my best to pick the most classic/popular one. 2. There are a billion Christmas songs, so it's very possible I miss some. Don't send coal to my stocking if I miss your favorite. 3. You can, however, give me coal for some of my opinions. Don't let me ruin any of these songs for you. Just get mad at me instead and tell me why you love them!



 

"White Christmas" -Bing Crosby (1942)


There's something about the old school sound that gives off a more authentic holiday feel to me. Besides that though, this is a slower, more intimate sound than the stereotypical cheeriness of Christmas. The strings are drawn out and layered with backup singers. There's also some bells and woodwinds beings played. It's got classic written all over it. Bing Crosby's voice is deep, booming, and has a soothing vibrato to it. The "white" is referring to snow (at least I hope so), and how beautiful it is. Assuming that makes everybody happy (not me, snow is awful...it does look cool sometimes though), this song acts as a prayer of sorts that everyone has a good holiday. It's a good message with a good sound. Therefore, good song.


 


We've got another older, classic sound with this track. This one is very upbeat and catchy. Brenda Lee's got a nice scratchy voice that adds to the fun feel of the song. Speaking of fun, it's really the saxophone solo that sets this one apart. Whoever does that absolutely killed it. It wasn't overly complicated, but it hit the nerve just right. It's just a simple track to dance to. It can get annoying after a while, but that's why you're only allowed to play it once a year.


 


Honestly, I'd hate this song if it weren't this version. I do dislike the song in general, it's creepy and weird. This version doesn't exactly fix all the problems either. The bass line kind of sticks out in a distracting way. The chrous is repeated soooo many times and I don't think the melodies of the verses are particularly pleasing. Michael Jackson's young voice is great (and actually works in this song's favor as it is more of a kids song anyway) and I do enjoy some of the musical ideas explored. The best of which was the way the instruments and vocals are delayed until the second beat of the measure. There's a beat of rest and it is a good dynamic. Overall though, I just think the melodies are way too simple and annoying. Oh and the whole "he sees you when you're sleeping" has always kind of creeped me out as a kid and it's no different now.


 

"Jingle Bells" -Alvin and the Chipmunks (1961)


Everyone ever has covered this song, so I figured screw it let's do the chipmunk one. This song is more for singing along than listening in my opinion. The instrumental is pretty flat as it just exists to be there because it has to. By lyrical mandate, there are sleigh bells, and it just shakes the whole time basically. The music is what it is. It isn't the focus of this song at all. It's the lyrics and melodies. Sadly, the melodies are kind of annoying and the song isn't about anything. The only thing that makes this a Christmas song at all is the sound of sleigh bells and the fact that it takes place in the winter/snow. It's not inspiring or fun or festive. Yep, I'll say it, "Jingle Bells" sucks.


 


This might be the biggest Christmas song of all time at this point, and I'm not exactly happy about it (at least it's actually a Christmas song though...I'm looking at you, "Jingle Bells"). Mariah Carey is a great singer (indisputable), but I think she overdoes it here. I appreciate the effort and energy, but the vocals sound kind of off somehow. It sounds like there's two of her singing together, and there are a lot of adlib vocals. It sounds big, and so does the instrumental. It's a really fast song, clearly aiming to be a pop hit (and clearly succeeded at it), and the energy can get to be too much pretty quickly. Also, the sentiment of this song is bullshit. If you're with a significant other, and you say you only want them for Christmas, and they don't get you anything, you're going to be pissed off. I don't care who you are. In fact, there are a few lyrics I could call out, but I'm trying to keep it fairly brief. All-in-all, I can understand why people like this track, but it's highly overrated.



 

"Deck The Halls" -Nat "King" Cole (1960)


We keep it fast-paced with this one. Nobody mentioned this as their favorite Christmas song, but I felt like it was overlooked and is too classic to miss. Now, that doesn't mean it's good. The "fa-la-la" thing may be iconic, but it's annoying when it happens too much, and it does. It also doesn't rhyme with anything. Let the carolers keep this one. The repeated melodies and call & response style is fine in theory, but it gets kind of old in this track. I'm not a fan of how fast the tempo is either. However, I do enjoy how this particular version of it involves a lot of instrumental layers and shifts. Nat "King" Cole's voice sounds good too, but it isn't enough to make up for what comes off as somewhat lazy songwriting (not his fault).


 

"Feliz Navidad" -José Feliciano (2014)


Fantastic song. It could be argued that this is the best one. I admit that the repetition of the song's title might be too much, but that's literally the only flaw of this track (if you want to consider it a flaw at all). The instrumentation is fun as the guitar leads the way for the horns and various percussion instruments to add some life. And there is a lot of life. José Feliciano's performance is fun and catchy. The energy builds throughout the song. I truly can't ask for anything more. This is one of the best Christmas songs ever and I love it.


 


This isn't the version from the film, but it's better than that one, believe me. This one has one of the cooler intros of any Christmas song for sure. It starts slow as Gene Autry lists all the reindeer besides Rudolph. Sadly, the rest of the song is definitely more of a kids song. It tells a good story about bullying and being unique and all that, but I'm not a fan of the melodies much at all. I do appreciate that this version has a fairly lengthy break from the vocals. It works to the song's benefit overall. The old-school sound (similar to "White Christmas") also gives this track a more authentic feel. It feels less like a dumb kids track and more like a fun throwback. It doesn't fix it though. This is the perfect example of a song that shouldn't be in the holiday playlist. Just let it be paired with the movie and leave it there. I feel like a goof just listening to it, let alone trying to sing it out loud.


 

"Last Christmas" -Wham! (1986)


Full disclosure: I don't really like 80s music. I don't like the fat, dramatic drums or the glittery sounding synths. I don't like the cheesy love lyrics. Sometimes, they can work, but the general sound is just hard for me to listen to. This song is not an exception. There are a billion synth sounds and a drum beat on a loop (not a good one either). The vocals are echoey and airy (unnecessarily), and the lyrics are whiney and way too on-the-nose (surface level, cliché, etc.). It's also way longer than it needs to be. It's almost four and a half minutes, but it sounds like eight. This Christmas should be the last Christmas for "Last Christmas."



 

"Santa Tell Me" -Ariana Grande (2014)


This was actually highly requested. I'm not sure why. It isn't very good, nor does it really have much to do with Christmas. It's just a regular track about wanting to find a partner. It just happens to be set around Christmastime. Also, I don't know why she's asking Santa for love like he's Cupid. She just put his name in there to try to convince us even further that it is, in fact, a Christmas song. It does have a catchy hook and a good vocal performance, but I consider that the bare minimum for Ariana Grande. Everyone knows she can sing. Musically, it's kind of just a pop song. It just includes sleigh bells and a xylophone or something. Otherwise, it's just a synth of some sort playing a simple melody over and over again. The mixing quality may be the best of the bunch here, but that doesn't automatically make the song good. Yea, she's trying too hard to be the next Mariah Carey. I guess it's working though since so many people think this is their favorite Christmas song.



 


Ah yes, my personal favorite (and yea, I purposefully saved it for last...if you don't like it, start your own blog). Frank Sinatra's voice aside, this song is just beautiful. It's an optimistic point of view on the holiday and is unproblematically positive. I love the slow melodies and how they develop line-by-line. It allows the message to sink in more. Plus, there's a lot of room for singers to do their own thing with it. Sinatra did his deep-voiced singing-at-a-club kind of take on the track. It's just a song that genuinely makes me feel good and associate good thoughts with the holiday. It doesn't try to do too much, but it gets the job done and then some.


 

And more...


I obviously couldn't get to every Christmas song ever, so here are other ones that were requested or are just classics. They are in no particular order, so give me your own reviews in the comments!


"Winter Wonderland" -Ella Fitzgerald

"The Christmas Song" -Nat King Cole

"Jingle Bell Rock" - Bobby Helms

"Wonderful Christmastime" -Paul McCartney

"Holly Jolly Christmas" -Michael Bublé

"Happy Xmas (War is Over)" -John Lennon & Yoko Ono

"Santa Baby" -Eartha Kitt

"Carol of the Bells" -Mykola Dmytrovych Leantovych, John Williams

"We Three Kings" -Ella Fitzgerald

"Beautiful Christmas" -Big Time Rush

"Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" -Trans-Siberian Orchestra

"Like It's Christmas" -Jonas Brothers

"Underneath the Tree" -Kelly Clarkson

"Sally's Song" -Catherine O'Hara

"Chi Town Christmas" -Chance The Rapper & Jeremih

"I'm Your Santa" -Chance The Rapper & Jeremih

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" -Glee Cast & Darren Criss

"Blue Christmas" -Elvis Presley

"Christmas Love" -Justin Bieber

"Santa Claus Lane" -Hilary Duff


 

overall


In conclusion, yea, a lot of Christmas music sucks. Maybe I've been too tough on it in years past though... Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, I hope this time of the year is positive for you. Be with family, reflect on your year, and take time to appreciate what you have in your life and how much love is around you. And even though I'm not going to add a single one of these songs to my regular playlist, I'm going to play them for now because you really only get to once a year. Why not try to enjoy it? Happy holidays everyone!


Peace and love.


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